Setting goals, being supportive and more.
Exam stress is one of the big life stressors for children and their families, but keeping some of these tips in mind can help the entire family get through this demanding time with a lot more grace and perspective.
Here are five top tips for stress free studying.
SET GOALS
In school children may learn a lot about history, language, arts and science but equally as important are life skills like how to set achievable goals, how to handle stress, and how to deal with emotional and mental obstacles.
Using times like this as an opportunity to teach kids how to make SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely) goals, as well as planning for road blocks that they will face on their way to their goal (laziness, distractions, procrastination, anxiety etc.) are going to be life lessons that will help them not just get through exams but get ahead in life.
BE SUPPORTIVE
As a parent you have many years of life experience under your belt. You know that this may not be a ‘difficult’ task or ‘a big deal’, but the child who does not have such life experiences believes that failing or passing this test is the be-all, end-all to their existence.
Their self-worth and self-identity it very much tied to their school success and your subsequent approval. Instead of saying invalidating comments such as ‘you are making a big deal about nothing’ or unhelpful comments like ‘when the going gets tough, the tough get going’; use this time to sit with your child, hear their anxieties, ask them what they are worried about, and then try to problem solve with them.
DEVELOP THEIR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence is essentially about managing emotions – our own emotions and emotions within interactions. Much of test taking is being able to manage difficult emotions, tackling negative thoughts, and being able to stay focused while under pressure.
Teach your child how to take the test, not just learn what is on the test.
KNOW THYSELF
Parents need to be aware of their unconscious agendas that are playing out with their children and learn how to manage them. Parents falsely believe that their agendas go unnoticed or unfelt by children, but children are extremely sensitive the needs, wants and anxieties of parents.
Personal agendas such as, ‘my child has to get into the best school/college and that will show the world what an amazing parent I am’ or fear-based agendas such as ‘my child has to get into the best school to ensure their life success and happiness’ are playing out in the unconscious background for parents and their children and putting extreme amount of pressure on everyone involved.
By becoming aware of these agendas, parents can choose a different way of being that is values-based.
KEEP PERSPECTIVE
Instead of (only) emphasising the importance of getting into a school of choice, parents should make an effort to focus on and highlight the things that really matter: hard work and effort; studying long hours when they could have been out playing; focus and the determination – basically the journey towards the exams, and not just the outcome of the exams. Because in the final analysis, it is those character strengths and virtues that are going to be the traits that will determine their long-term success.
We all know of someone who grew up privileged, went to the right schools, and got into the right college, but did not have the life skills to withstand obstacles or push through the mental chatter when the going got tough.
Use these life events, such as entrance exams to really develop the child’s character and not just their CV.
For more information about The Lighthouse Arabia, visit lighthousearabia.com
